Taking a (guilt) trip back home…

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that… she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.” ~ Good ol’ Wikipedia.

The only force strong enough to take me away from London is guilt.   It is my ultimate weakness… it will lead me to contradict myself, to break promises to myself, to be inconsistent, and I will fail to reach many goals because of it.   If I let guilt seed, take root and grow, it gets in the way.  Like a brick wall, there’s no getting through it.

Never mind if I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I feel like I would have had a better chance of figuring that out if I stayed here.   I feel robbed of an opportunity to achieve something… something different, something more suited to my uniqueness… even though it was my own undue guilt that did the robbing.

Sometimes I wish I could be selfish and care less… I can’t but it never stopped me from trying.  Alas, guilt always kills me in the end.

 

As I look back on all that I’ve done to you
My biggest regret’s
The things that I never could do

~ L. Astounded

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