10 Things To Know By 25

I’ll be 26 soon, so as this iconic age of 25 passes, I thought it fitting that I make a list of things I wish I had known by the time I turned 25.  A lot of these things I kind of already knew, but they truly hit home this year:

1) You always have a choice.  People like to throw around the words ‘destiny’ and ‘fate’.  But there is no such thing as fate.  We are masters of our own futures.  With the exception of the occasional unavoidable freak accident, the direction of our lives is our own choosing.  So choose wisely.

2) Be a good person because it’s the right kind of person to be, not because you’ll get something out of it.

3) You deserve nothing, you must earn everything.  And be grateful for what you do have.

4) Despite your awesomeness, you will be taken for granted at times.  But see #2.

5) Take steps toward a meaningful life.  You’re old enough to start taking yourself seriously, but you’re too old to not have known any better when you mess up.

6) It’s perfectly okay to leave everything to the imagination.  In fact, it’s classy.

7) Grocery stores save you money!

8) Be social.  We’re human, we like being around other people, isolating yourself is no bueno.

9) Don’t just state your goals.  Take steps towards achieving them.

10) Despite what your married friends tell you, it’s okay to be single.  You were born whole, you don’t need someone to complete your life.  Although it would be nice, it’s not necessary.  Take the advantage of being single in stride and live for you.

*Bonus*) You’re not old.

Scuffed – 18 March 2011

bootsYou’re like scuffs on my new leather boots
The introduction of imperfection only serves to give them character
Sets them apart
For no other boot is similarly scuffed
It makes me unique
And no other person is similarly fucked up
So flawed and hardheaded
And long suffering of my insufferability
So the combination of you and I
In all its crash and burning glory
Is unacceptably beautiful

Lorsqu’on Vient de Loin – December 18, 2009

With her broken French and an open heart
And her hesitant voice
The words that escaped in a past life, an ocean away
Fall, so elegantly
Welling, swelling from a hidden place
Too covered in scars for most to see

And she stands still
Poised on the edge of raw hope
Expectations high, knees weak
And waits with bated breath
Almost forgetting to breathe

Taking a moment, she gets stubborn
Forgets the fear long enough to just…
Jump…
Eyes closed to take that leap of faith

A Little Rusty with Speaking

(I wrote this five years ago, almost to the day… But the sentiment is fitting for the here and now…)

Of late, the right words escape me
I can never get my what I need to off my chest
When I speak, the words are empty
So the weight remains, sitting upon my shoulders

I can’t spill my heart to a stranger
But nobody I know is listening hard enough
For who can ever warn of the danger of standing upon a cliff
Without seeing the other side?

I ache in all the same old places
Nursing old hurts I thought I was old enough to bury
But it’s scary how some things never leave you…
Even scarier how some dreams fail to bloom… they don’t tell you that a dream deferred ends with a bit of you fading away..

So it’s true, I am not what I appear to be… at least to myself… too scared to know what others behold

Why should I be so sure of the lines that define my box
When the only thing that separates a person of faith and an apostate is interpretation…?

So, I’m Gonna Be a Doctor… No Big Deal…

So, I got into a pretty good medical school.  Which meant I had to move to Washington, DC.

Another big event in my life!  I keep doing this: making drastic life changes and big moves…  And of course, that means I need to start blogging again…  The process of change always starts these thought processes that I can only navigate through sanely by putting them down in written form.

I don’t mean to move around and change so much.  It just happens.  I hope that I’ll settle down at some point. But isn’t absolute uncertainty the point of this whole adventure that is your twenties: figuring out where and how you belong in life and what you want?   That’s what I’m inclined to believe.  Unless television has mislead me these past 25 years of my life.  And that obviously doesn’t happen, like, ever…

Now, my days are filled with lectures, studying and patient interactions (yes, they let us interact with patients from semester 1! With the proper supervision, of course).

Things are looking up professionally.  Finally!  And it’s exactly where I need to be and what I’m good at.  I just have to figure out how to streamline my focus and cut out distractions so I can commit all of this information to memory (for example, I should be studying fertilization and gametogenesis as I type this very moment)!

It’s a learning process *shrugs*.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Now to figure out the rest of my life.   Eek!