PSA

Intolerant atheists are as just bad a intolerant religious zealots.  It’s not your belief system that’s the problem, it’s the ignorant, hardheaded idiocy that you choose to conduct yourself with.  So please respect everyone, as long as they’re not hurting themselves or anyone around them, even if you don’t agree with it.  And life will be better for it.

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%#^%@&!!

I wrote this whole long, thoughtful post and somehow the page refreshed and I didn’t save.  So now it’s gone…

 

So all you guys get is my frustration… DAMMIT!!!!!!  

 

Don’t expect anything soon, I’m too angry…

… Taps foots restlessly

I don’t know when I grew to be so impatient. I was never by any means a calm person, but I’m a middle child: I’m used to not having anything I wanted or the desired attention.  I learned how to wait for my turn and savor it when it came.

But of late, I’m so impatient. I get road rage when I’m in the slowest lane on the highway, banging frustratedly on the steering wheel of my poor little Nissan. I snap at people I once took the abuse of regularly. I’m far more impulsive than usual. No sooner than something is promised to me, I expect it to be fulfilled rather quickly.

I don’t know when I got to be so impatient. I’ve just finally articulated my goals and the timelines that I wish to accomplish these by, and suddenly I can’t wait. Life is going to slow. I’m dissatisfied and I get angry that I’m not there yet: stuck in the slow lane again.

My fuse is a lot shorter than I remember.

Taking a (guilt) trip back home…

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that… she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.” ~ Good ol’ Wikipedia.

The only force strong enough to take me away from London is guilt.   It is my ultimate weakness… it will lead me to contradict myself, to break promises to myself, to be inconsistent, and I will fail to reach many goals because of it.   If I let guilt seed, take root and grow, it gets in the way.  Like a brick wall, there’s no getting through it.

Never mind if I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I feel like I would have had a better chance of figuring that out if I stayed here.   I feel robbed of an opportunity to achieve something… something different, something more suited to my uniqueness… even though it was my own undue guilt that did the robbing.

Sometimes I wish I could be selfish and care less… I can’t but it never stopped me from trying.  Alas, guilt always kills me in the end.

 

As I look back on all that I’ve done to you
My biggest regret’s
The things that I never could do

~ L. Astounded