Falling in Love with the Gorillaz All Over Again

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Blame

I’ve been thinking a lot about blame recently.

I think we blame when we want a quick answer rather than holding ourselves or an individual solely responsible for their actions.  It’s harder to entertain the fact that we as a species are a complex ball of contradictions.  Maybe human nature is not straightforward and cut and dry.  Perhaps we may never have an answer that is purely right or wrong and completely explains a person’s motivations, whether their acts are good or bad.

But you see, that would take time and require us to regularly challenge what we’ve decided for ourselves is truth.  That is scary, to have to believe that there are no absolutes.  So we find answers to the shameful things the best way we know how: we blame.  Someone has to be culpable and guilty.  It’s someone else’s fault.  It’s a culture’s fault.  It’s a religion’s fault.  It’s the parents’ fault.  It’s everyone else’s fault but mine.  Now, content in the fact that we are certain of where the blame lies, the argument ends there for most.

But on some level, I think we all know that it doesn’t end there.  When senselessness challenges our most solid beliefs and our faith is shaken down to the core, we realize that it’s not that simple.  Unfortunately, that often takes great or personal tragedy for us to come to that realization.

And until we do, we keep playing the blame game.

This rant aside, here’s a single lyric to a song that I’m positive will be the next to write itself (because I don’t write songs, I’m simply an instrument they use to write themselves.  These words and experiences are never my own…  And I’m not crazy).

It just got me thinking about blame so I thought I would toss my thoughts out there, failing a complete song…  Hope you enjoy it none the less:

Maybe opening up was a bit of a mistake
But where do you go when your head’s not a safe space?
And the biggest danger comes from within?

It was easy to get lost and forget for a moment
But how dare you accuse me, and say I should have toned it
Down…
When you’re complicit in this sin?

~L.A.

Glow

This is the last song that I wrote… it only took me five – six months…   So it took a while, haha… No big deal: it’s not like I was busy with med school or nothing like that.

Anyway, the premise of the song is about young love that goes wrong…  Think sophomore aged high school drop outs in backwoods, rural America:  they’re really just kids but given their circumstances, they’re forced to grow up before their time.

Anyway, long story short, every thing just kind of overwhelms them all at once and their love, though genuine, burns out before its time (I allude to some emotional neglect/abuse, a miscarriage, etc…).  They “barely got to glow when they were meant to shine”.

It’s a simple song.  And I enjoy singing it… If I ever get my YouTube channel going, I’ll record it and put the video up so you can hear it.  Hope ya’ll enjoy it as well.

“Glow”

Do you remember
That bitter, cold day in December?
A bottle of whiskey between us
To make up for the broken heater

You were heaven sent
To take my innocence
On those leather seats
Of your daddy’s jeep

And it was glorious
We were warriors
Fools in love
Young fools in love

But it’s not our fault
We just knew too much
So we had to move
Or the weight would crush us

What we wanted wasn’t good enough
So, it’s not our fault
We just knew too much

It’s hard to forget
The bloodied sheets,
The broken hearts,
The empty nest…

Your
Bitter words,
Your cold eyes
Your emptiness

So I retreat to the past
When the love we had
Didn’t hurt so bad

And we were so content
So yes I do repent
Whatever behavior
Made me fall from your favor

But it’s not our fault
We just felt too much
So we had to move
Or the guilt would crush us

What we wanted wasn’t good enough
So, it’s not our fault
We just felt too much

What did you expect?
They all predicted failure
And that’s what I get
For thinking you were my savior

But I have no regrets
I just wish we had more time
We barely got to glow
When we were meant to shine

Meant to shine

But it’s not our fault
It was just too much
So we had to fail
Or it all would crush us

What we wanted wasn’t good enough
So, it’s not our fault
It was just too much

I just wish we had more time
We barely got to glow
When we were meant to shine

Meant to shine

Heartbreaker

I’ve been in an angsty mood lately, easily discernible by the amount of emo and grunge music I’ve been listening to.   The angst inspired me to complete a song that I had started writing some time ago, but could never finish.

It’s called ‘Heartbreaker’… It’s really about a breaking of  a home, not falling out of love.   I hope you like the lyrics:

(Verse 1)

When you broke the news
I couldn’t read your face
Never thought that we’d be here, seven inches short of falling from grace

Couldn’t let you see me cry
So I left the tears insides
And I did not mourn until you turned your back and said your damn good-byes

(Refrain)

I guess you’ll never know how
Close you came to breaking my heart

And every single day that passed
It took all I had
To keep from falling apart

(Verse 2)

And so we came to our oh, so tragic end
It’s just so torn apart, there’s no way my heart can mend
But I don’t regret a single tear
Or a single year
For as badly as we crashed and burned
Our love was bright when it had its turn

(Refrain)
I guess you’ll never know how
Close you came to breaking my heart

And every single day that passed
It took all I had
To keep from falling apart

(Bridge)
It hurt so bad, it stabbed like knife
It would have been kinder to take my life
As you walk away, with blood on your hands
I stand here waiting, trying to understand

There is no death on record, but you killed me
Yeah, you killed me
But I’m too proud to let you know
So I won’t ever let you know

(Refrain)

That’s why you’ll never know how
Close you came to breaking my heart

And every single day that passed
It took all I had
To keep from falling apart

I guess you’ll never know how
Close you came to breaking my heart

And every single day that passed
It took all I had
To keep from falling apart

The Other Woman (original short acoustic ballad)

Sometimes I feel like crying
And I cannot hold it in
Feels like needles prying
Just beneath my skin
I know my momma raised me proper
That’s not what I’m living up to
This woman I’ve become, I can’t stop her
I can’t pry myself from you

I try to imagine how much your wife would cry
To conjure some self worth
You go through so much trouble
To save her half that hurt

All I ever wanted was someone to love
Me, me, that much
Instead all I get is some stolen kisses
And hidden, shameful lust

Instead I have to settle
I don’t know if I deserve any better